either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think my mom watched the whole time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
