so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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