There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
