i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
