remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
