Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
