I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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