Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
