when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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