were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
