We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
