Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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