roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think people are normalizing furries
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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