ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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