I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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