I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
