He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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