Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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