Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
