Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
