based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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