We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
