i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
