This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
