I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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