I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
