I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
