i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just pee around me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
