if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
