I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
