R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I want a musical about memes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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