I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize