I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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