I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
