omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
