Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
