i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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