I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
