i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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