Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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