New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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