So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
