He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
