bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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