Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
