You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
