my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
