oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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