i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
