Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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