also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
