God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize